We All Should Care

Accept the call for a deeper purpose.

Friendship:

Friendship is a difficult concept to understand. Or to explain that is. Lately, i have been shocked by the number of people saying ” Friendship goes both way. I’m so fed up with XXXX . He/She always asks for things and stuff and never gives it back.”

Twitter and facebook, being the usual places for those rantings, with only hits of the concerned person in case they might stumbled upon it.

And that makes me so mad.

First if you have to complain about someone, tell the direct person. there’s no need to go around carrying ball and chain for nothing.

Ok , that has to be said but that’s not exactly what i needed ot tell you about today.

Let’s go back to friendship.

To quote my favourite Lyricist, aka Spencer Bell
“Oh just let me pull
This Knife from out
My back
and make a couple of calls
Oh
For you my friend
I’ll see what I can do
Despite you kicking me in
The balls”

Spencer Bell. “Friends”

Where has gone the real friendship? The one where nothing was expected, phones answered even in the middle of the night, doors opened whatever was the day or night…

Where have gone the true meanings of friendship, that sacred love that has no boundaries or jealousy to it…

All the fingers of my hand would not be enough to
count, the number of times i’ve been disappointed, or hurt by a friendship. Mostly because i’m like a dog. I could die of sadness out of loyalty to my friends, i could lend my uterus to a friend who would need it, or give a kidney, if it could save their lives. Have you seen that last movie ? Hatchi ? Where the dog keeps going back to wait for his owner, even when the owner will never come back? Season after season, Year after year?
Yeah ,that’s AALLL me.

I won’t tell you which persons i would do this for , as it is not relevant to the point.
Maybe i’m too chivalrous, still having those lost values of dedication to my friends, some kind of lost middle aged virtue still ingrained in my soul.

I keep getting hurt, feeling that awful abandon feeling, as if something was tearing my heart apart, to extract the person.

When someone enters my life so deep ( not that it is really easy, thanks god it does not happen everyday), i cannot conceive the possibility that they could disappear from my life as easily as they entered, if we exclude death that is. Nothing in life could deter me from my friends, and i don’t know why i’m the only one who feels that.

Maybe that’s my own fear of loneliness… Because at the beginning , and at the end, we ‘re probably lonely anyway, but at least we get the middle of all that jazz to feel surrounded.

So i’ll stand to what i deem best. I’ll always try my best to be there for my friends, and i do hope , that some of them, will do the same, cause to be true, i just can’t do all it alone.

Originally this post was destined to go up on The Spencer Bell Legacy Site, but alas that site wasn’t cooperating with me, and so this is where it’ll have to be born.

May 6th… a day I already wasn’t a fan of, because my best friend was killed on that day in 1991…it was that day, 5 days ago, that I lost my grandmother to her battle with small cell carcinoma, brain cancer, and come to find out Adrenal Cancer. Yes, she had three different forms of cancer, but they only knew how to treat the lung cancer.

The last week of my life I’ve spent in near silent reflection. Few could reach me, and as days go by, that number diminishes. It isn’t because I do not care, because I do not want to talk to people, but instead it is because that is how I grieve.
I distance myself.
I’ve never been able to lean on others the way that I am supposed to, then again I’ve never dealt with anything by protocol.

My grandmother, “Mamaw Ruth” was the woman that I get my “save the world complex” from. She spent at least 40 of her 70 years on this Earth taking care of others. Family, friends, strangers, and even people she disliked. She put her heart into each and everything she did and her mantra was “If it’s worth doin’, it’s worth doin’ right.”
(Or damned if you don’t and damned if you do) depends on what kind of mood you caught her in. lol
She was far from perfect,she fought, she was a pistol, a handful, she would just as soon give you down the road if she thought you was wrong, than look at you sideways, and she’d yank a knot in your behind quicker than you could say “please don’t” if you did something unacceptable. Hence her “you’re never too old, nor too big to be laid over my lap”, and she meant it. Believe me.

Her death has taught me so much more than heartache though.
I looked around the “receiving room” and what I saw both infuriated me and broke my heart.
After all of her years of care-taking, attending funerals, sending flowers even when she didn’t have money in her budget to do so, only around 40 people attended her send off, and she had 10 plants, give or take.

She and I have had the discussion many times, that we don’t do what we do for repayment, but the least they could have done was come pay last respects to a woman that gave so much of herself to so many people.

More selfishly, I figured my “friends”, people I had known since the ages of 12,13,14 and 15 years old would be there, by my side, since I have been with them through so many things I can’t and would not begin to list here.
Sadly…most of them did not show up, and even more sadly? None of them had concrete reasons.
I had two friends with me, one I’ve known since I was 12, Kasey and then one I have only known since August, but feel as if I’ve known her for my entire life. Patty. I met her at a Legacy show, she’ll tell you I was comatose our first meeting and mention a fishy pick and I’ll say it was all HIS fault, but I won’t mention any names.
I digress…
She drove from Michigan to sit with me and hold my hand. THAT is the type of people I have met because of Spencer.
She can’t know what it means to me.
Kasey can’t know how much appreciation I hold for her, for everything.
And unfortunately reading what is written on my heart isn’t possible.

Yesterday was spent going through old photos, some I didn’t even know existed and others I wish like hell didn’t exist, all of which I’ll eventually get made into a slide show with the help of my awesome friend Jess, if she’d be so kind (you see this is her first time even hearing mention of it, sorry Jess!!). She just makes the best slide shows ever. The end. Then you can have a good laugh at my expense and I’m okay with that.

On a happy note, my Mamaw left every dime she had to St. Jude Children’s Hospital for research. She said she wanted to help in some way, and she’s always stood behind them.
She had mentioned about a week before she died that she wanted to divide her money between the Legacy and St. Jude, but went downhill so quickly, never got a chance to change her will, just know her heart was with Adrenal Cancer Research and Spencer as well.

All of this was to say: For those that care thank you.
To those that cannot reach me, I’m terribly sorry but I WILL come back, I always do.
For those that have lost someone like this, my condolences are with you.
To everyone else, those that ever question if my heart is pure, if my giving is without want of anything in return, please just know anything I do, I do with all of my heart.
Not because I want something in return, but because my grandmother was the example I chose to follow, and also because I have faced so many negative experiences in my life, that all I want is to take care of people and help them smile.
Nothing makes me happier.
I am real, my heart is genuine.

I love you all and if you need me, if you just want to talk, if all you want to do is sit in silence with me on the other end of the phone, then you know what to do. There never has to be a reason to contact me, I’m always here.

My Love,

Years will pass on, maybe several cycles of lives will have to be lived through, before your blessed presence will  light my life, and enables you read to those words.

Tonight is a special night, for me. Nothing really extraordinary happend, but yes terday was an important birthday to me, one of a soul I love very deep.
And i was reminded of how much I wished I had been friends, with him.

You are not here,  and maybe never will be. But, you should know I already care. I care so much, my child, that I might never be able to let you in this crazy, funky world. However, if I finally do, I want you to know one thing. A mother is a protector, and as much as I will try to, I also know I won’t be able to protect you from everything.

You will fall and graze your knee, or go out and come back with a slap on your cheek, instead of a kiss.

In all those moments, I will try to be there. I will be awkward, but I do assure you, I want to be there.
However, all those moments will be easy to get through, as long as you have a friend.

Friendship is a very difficult concept for many people. Do not let yourself be used or deluded.

Friendship is free, warm and caring.

A friend will take care of you, and wonder, when you don’t give out any signs of being alive.
A friend will give you bad advices at relationships, but will completely and thoroughly believe them
A friend will laugh at your desperate tries to look cool but still go out next you in a full crowd on a saturday night.
A friend will hold you when you’ll cry and say the silliest thing to stop the ache in your heart
A friend will cancel their date to go and rescue you, even at the other side of the state
A friend will welcome you opened arms after a long trip, or a terrible mistake.

And I wish, my heart, that you will find such a friend. Many people will pretend be your friend, but in the end, only come back to you when they need you. The world is full of those vampires. I pray that you will never become prey of one of them.

“Far from the eyes, far from the heart” can not be applied to real friends.

So, my child, as you read those words, close your eyes and try to find that friend among all the persons around. When you will find that person, never let go of them.
Whatever will be the price, it will never be enough for such a true gift. Be faithful, truthful and caring of that friend. Forgive them when they need it, but not when they are obviously wrong. A real friendship can survive the trials of disagreements.

Cherish that presence next to you.
This will be your most precious gift.

Sincerely,

Your loving Mother

Let’s talk about a mysterious word tonight, the word:  Talent.

I have used it a lot, talking so much about Spencer Bell  yesterday. I do hope you know about Spencer Bell, being in here with so many posts dedicated to him. If not, do yourself a favor and check out : http://www.Spencerbellmemorial.com . But let’s get back to the subject.

It is another one of those numerous words that don’t really make any sense, even though it is used so often. I have been told i have got talent, by different people, some I know, some i don’t, well didn’t. And i do use it too. However, i am not sure it has the same sense for them as it has for me.

I have been thinking about it for a while. What makes you an artist or a scribbler.
I will not have the pretention to define those notions all by myself. But here is what came from my brain.

I do believe that talent is a shortcut to describe a chaotic mix of certain dispositions.

Every person that enjoys art, can create art. To be an artist you first need a certain sensitivity. While it is true that some people do not have it, it is pretty rare to be completely deprived of that sensitivity.
Most people do enjoy a good song, or a beautiful painting, or a harmonious display of colors on their walls..

The second thing needed, is work. There are techniques to be learnt. While teaching art “class” is a concept to be discussed, it is true that certain techniques can be taught. Of course, you can also discover them on your own. However, is it really needed to rediscover the wheel each time? For a painter, you need to train your body, so your hand will be able to draw what your eye see. It is something than can be learnt. I sucked at drawing at the beginning. But with training, you can do something acceptable in the end. I am not lying. I have proof that i won’t disclose in here but I could show you, if you wonder.
Same with a writer. You need to keep learning words, searching for rythms, and rhymes.. Idioms that could describe life and things around you. Each art has its own demands, its own difficulties. Well, i am sure you catch my drift in here.

The last thing needed, is the most difficult one. It is my personal belief that most people thinking they’ll never be artist are simply missing out on this one. You need guts! To just jump in the raging flow and see if you can swim. Guts to try, and then guts to show it around, guts to receive the critics, bite your tongue and go back to it, guts not to fall in the easy path and really try out your weirdest ideas. It is true, sometimes I feel very silly, searching the whole house for some red and ending up drawing with my lipstick because I could not find my pastels or pens… But the results are always interesting. For you and others. For example, drawing with a lipstick is very pleasant because it truly slide on the paper, better than any pen I had. And it gives the drawing a good smell, which would not have happened with the pastels.

So this could sum up my definition of talent: Sensitivity, Work and Guts.

If you combine those, you’ll be an artist, AND a talented one.

Because with all those, you can observe and extract from life, what people need to see or hear, what will touch them.

And this, my friend, is art.

Spencer Bell had a way with words. You only have to listen to a few of his songs before that realization grips you to your very core.
Often his words were blunt, and straight to the point without coddling and that my friends, is in fact something that has drawn me out of a darkened corner more than once.
If you don’t possess any of his music, or knowledge of who he is, please go to The Music Lives On and prepare to be lost in a vortex of talent and emotion.
That being said, I’ve been away for approximately two weeks, and when I returned home, in my email I found the link to a video (Courtesy of Bill Bell – Spencer’s father and Debbie and Shannon of ASCC NOW) that Jackson Rathbone and Will Schmidt have put together, in honor of The Legacy Show in Dallas, Texas on April 24th, 2010…

The vision in the video, and of those closest to Spencer, never ceases to amaze me.
I didn’t know Spencer in life, but I am thankful that I was given the chance to know him, if only posthumously, thankful to those closest to him, who share his memory, with someone, so many someones that used to be strangers, who are now treated as family and friends.
It is because of my respect for his family,friends, his legacy, because of the celebration of his life,and of the talent that has inspired and touched so many in this small, small world, that I will continue to be adamant and passionate in my modest dedications to Spencer.
That being said…

Thirty Three horribly long days left until the Spencer Bell Legacy show at Trees in Dallas, Texas!
Now, I know I’ve written several posts about this, and as the time inches nearer, as my excitement increases, there will be even more to look forward to.
I’ve informed you of the contests that ASCC NOW is hosting to raise money and awareness for Adrenal Cancer Research, you should have a look at their site and check it out for yourself!

I hope to see you there, because believe me, in the words of Ben Graupner “We’re Gonna Party!” There is no better way to Celebrate the life and Legacy of Spencer Bell, in my humble opinion.

Where are my fellow Spencerians? (Or The Stevedores,100 Monkeys,Drew and The Medicinal Pen, Tin Tin Can,Kissing Club, and Evro Fans?) I’m doing a countdown to the Legacy Show for April!
I started my first post when it was 110 days, my second one came at 90 days and now it is 74 days. It STILL seems far too long to wait to see my “new” friends, to celebrate Spencer’s life, to help raise awareness for Adrenal Cancer.
If you find yourself reading this and you have no idea who Spencer is, or why you keep hearing about him, then inform yourself at: THE MUSIC LIVES ON!

HEAR YE, HEAR YE THE NEWEST ANNOUNCEMENTS THAT SHOULD EXCITE THE MASSES! PASSED ALONG TO ME BY DEBBIE!

#1-
Exciting news for 100Monkeys fans!! They will be playing at Poor
David’s Pub in Dallas on Friday night before the SBL concert. During
Twicon, the boys played there and it was just fun for both the audience
and them.

Show is on April 23rd. Doors open at 8, show at 9pm. Tickets are $14 and
are on sale now. Front gate tickets is the site to purchase tickets.
BUY TIX HERE!

#2- Another exciting bit of news. I don’t know how many people were working
on contacting college radio stations to have them play Spencer Bell and
100Monkeys music, but we have one who posted at chatter (official
100Monkeys music site). Here is what she posted:
Have a hard time waking up in the morning?

Wish 100 Monkeys and Spencer Bell got more radio play??

Tune in Wednesday mornings with me @ wsinradio.org
and listen to my college radio show temporarily entitled : “Wake up with
me”

I will be incorporating both Spencer and The Monkeys into my play list
every week and will play them on air.

I even take requests.

I’ll play other stuff too, and give you a bit of news/weather etc.

Nothing but music and love here!!!!

the show is 9-10 Wednesdays eastern standard time. But this website
streams all over the world so anyone who is awake feel free to tune
in!

#3- Finally, Portrait magazine is having a poll for their March cover and
100Monkeys is on the list. The right hand side of the site,Portrait Magazine has the place to vote. Only one vote per IP address though.

THANK YOU DEBBIE, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE AT KEEPING US ALL POSTED!

Now, I’m going to post the original play by play of what all is going on to get you guys hands on involved, with some newly added information and a contest via the ASCC NOW organization! So don’t just skim over it, re-read it, you’ll catch things you didn’t see before, I assure you!

The when,where,time?

April 24th, Dallas Texas, at a wonderful venue called Trees.
There will be two shows (as per tradition it seems)
An all ages show in the evening and an 18+ show that night.
Trust me, the bands still have plenty of energy for the night show!

It was at the night show that I spent, what, 4 hours or more dancing? And in uncomfortable boots, but I didn’t care! (That’s how wonderful these Legacy shows are, how infectious, and powerful the energy is that fills the atmosphere!)

For this show who do they have lined up? OH get ready!

Tin Tin Can
Drew and the Medicinal Pen
The Stevedores
100 Monkeys
PLUS
New comers to the Legacy Show line up!

Evro

AND

The Kissing Club

But that’s not all. I know what you’re thinking. There’s more? Of course they couldn’t stop there, are you kidding me? These people know how to party, it is for Spencer after all!

There will be contests ( a music video contest, a t-shirt design contest), a special auction, and a raffle with celebrity donated items.

Contest prizes

* The winner of the music video contest will have their video played for the duration of the concerts. (how wicked is that?)

*The winner of the t-shirt design contest will have their design produced and sold through the Spencer Bell Legacy Project. (That would be something to feel honored about!)

Now for the auction, this will floor you, and at the very least motivate you to donate to a good cause!
You have to opportunity to bid on:

* Interviewing the bands prior to the concerts on live streaming Internet

*dinner with the bands between the concerts

-OR-

* a meet and greet with all the bands in a special VIP area

The Raffle Items:

* a guitar signed by Bowling for Soup

* autographed pictures from Simple Plan

* a special designed t-shirt by Kelly Rathbone

* autographed portraits of the bands

Winners of the raffle do not have to be present to win and the tickets will go on pre-sale in February 2010 (so grab yours early!)

NEWLY ADDED CONTEST!!

The Mad Hatter Contest: You have a chance to design a hat for Cancer Awareness (I hear this may or may not have something to do with a certain primate’s love for “ridiculous” hats… a trait which I find both adorable and admirable… I mean come on when one doesn’t care what others think, and they embrace their individuality it’s refreshing)
However when you can do something so artistic and expressive for a good cause? YOU SHOULD DO IT! Details have been posted. See the information at the CONTEST PAGE!

Inspirational New Information:

Kelly Garrett Rathbone will be at the Deep Ellum Arts Festival on April 2-4, 2010 in Dallas, TX. She is creating a collection specifically for this festival and has generously
agreed to donate part of her profits to adrenal cancer research. Know more by clicking:
KELLY ROCKS!

(Kelly you truly are an inspiration and each of us should be so giving. Thank you on behalf of everyone, for being such an amazing soul.)

To learn more about the contests and Artists Supporting a Cure for Cancer be sure to visit ASCC NOW !

Batten Down the Hatches Dallas, here we come!

Where are my fellow Spencerians? (Or The Stevedores,100 Monkeys,Drew and The Medicinal Pen, Tin Tin Can,Kissing Club, and Evro Fans?) I’m doing a countdown to the Legacy Show for April!
I started my first post when it was 110 days, and now it’s exactly 90 days.
NINETY SHORT DAYS, although for me it seems far too long to wait to see my “new” friends, to celebrate Spencer’s life, to help raise awareness for Adrenal Cancer.
If you find yourself reading this and you have no idea who Spencer is, or why you keep hearing about him, then inform yourself at: THE MUSIC LIVES ON!

Now, I’m going to post the original play by play of what all is going on to get you guys hands on involved, with some newly added information and a contest via the ASCC NOW organization! So don’t just skim over it, re-read it, you’ll catch things you didn’t see before, I assure you!

The when,where,time?

April 24th, Dallas Texas, at a wonderful venue called Trees.
There will be two shows (as per tradition it seems)
An all ages show in the evening and an 18+ show that night.
Trust me, the bands still have plenty of energy for the night show!

It was at the night show that I spent, what, 4 hours or more dancing? And in uncomfortable boots, but I didn’t care! (That’s how wonderful these Legacy shows are, how infectious, and powerful the energy is that fills the atmosphere!)

For this show who do they have lined up? OH get ready!

Tin Tin Can
Drew and the Medicinal Pen
The Stevedores
100 Monkeys
PLUS
New comers to the Legacy Show line up!

Evro

AND

The Kissing Club

But that’s not all. I know what you’re thinking. There’s more? Of course they couldn’t stop there, are you kidding me? These people know how to party, it is for Spencer after all!

There will be contests ( a music video contest, a t-shirt design contest), a special auction, and a raffle with celebrity donated items.

Contest prizes

* The winner of the music video contest will have their video played for the duration of the concerts. (how wicked is that?)

*The winner of the t-shirt design contest will have their design produced and sold through the Spencer Bell Legacy Project. (That would be something to feel honored about!)

Now for the auction, this will floor you, and at the very least motivate you to donate to a good cause!
You have to opportunity to bid on:

* Interviewing the bands prior to the concerts on live streaming Internet

*dinner with the bands between the concerts

-OR-

* a meet and greet with all the bands in a special VIP area

The Raffle Items:

* a guitar signed by Bowling for Soup

* autographed pictures from Simple Plan

* a special designed t-shirt by Kelly Rathbone

* autographed portraits of the bands

Winners of the raffle do not have to be present to win and the tickets will go on pre-sale in February 2010 (so grab yours early!)

NEWLY ADDED CONTEST!!

The Mad Hatter Contest: You have a chance to design a hat for Cancer Awareness (I hear this may or may not have something to do with a certain primate’s love for “ridiculous” hats… a trait which I find both adorable and admirable… I mean come on when one doesn’t care what others think, and they embrace their individuality it’s refreshing)
However when you can do something so artistic and expressive for a good cause? YOU SHOULD DO IT! Details have been posted. See the information at the CONTEST PAGE!

Inspirational New Information:

Kelly Garrett Rathbone will be at the Deep Ellum Arts Festival on April 2-4, 2010 in Dallas, TX. She is creating a collection specifically for this festival and has generously
agreed to donate part of her profits to adrenal cancer research. Know more by clicking:
KELLY ROCKS!

(Kelly you truly are an inspiration and each of us should be so giving. Thank you on behalf of everyone, for being such an amazing soul.)

To learn more about the contests and Artists Supporting a Cure for Cancer be sure to visit ASCC NOW !

Batten Down the Hatches Dallas, here we come!