We All Should Care

Accept the call for a deeper purpose.

December 3rd 2009

Dear Spencer,

I know that you don’t know me, but I know you. As much as I can that is, through your art, your soul.  If you were here, you would probably argue with me, in fact I’m almost damn certain you would, that I cannot know you at all, simply from words alone, but I’d beg to differ, if I had been given the chance to know you.  I’ve never romanticized the fact that you were a deity, to be put on a pedestal and worshipped, though I’m sure you wouldn’t have minded that, hell who would? Tell me you wouldn’t want someone bringing you beer, and food, having someone at your beck and call..go ahead, I’ll wait.

See that’s what I thought.

I’ve given a lot of thought to what I’d say to you, and have sat around feeling sorry for myself that I’d never receive that chance, then I realized that I was giving in. Giving in to the fact that so many believe, that once you’re gone, you’re gone, and I don’t believe that.   I know that even though bastard cancer took your body from this world far too damn soon, that your soul remains, and as long as I know that fact I’ll keep introducing people to your Legacy, I’ll make sure that I never let anyone forget, or go through life not being aware of who you are. (Yes, because you’re just that good.)

So because you’re still here with us, and I know that somehow you can read these words, be it on this screen or written on my heart, I want to thank you.

I’ve told everyone else what you’ve done for me, but I’ve never had the chance to tell you.

There was a time in my life, that wasn’t so long ago, when I was Lost.  I was merely on auto pilot,taking care of everyone else because they needed me, but the very core of me, the part of me that needed to be present in my body for me to do more than merely exist, it was Lost. It was wandering around through the dark, not a hand to hold, or a light in sight. I was completely, and utterly alone with no-one to reach out to. A shattered heart, a broken spirit and I had almost accepted the fact that I could never be fixed and I may never be anything more than a mere shell, a vessel here to help others through this life, until I ceased to exist and just faded away.

Then, I found you. I found someone who understood what it was to be lost, to know that sometimes even breathing was painful, and that while nothing, fucking nothing made sense sometimes, you had the belief that eventually it would. Eventually we would have our answers.  I fell into your music, your words, and I became a “Spencerian”, and I noticed something that I hadn’t in quite some time. There was a light at the end of my dark, cold abyss, and suddenly I had a hand to hold. Yours.

You may not be perfect, and for that I’m thankful, but you did save me, when I didn’t think I was worth saving. You inspired me, when I thought I had no passion left, and you reintroduced me to my courage, my strength, attributes that I thought were gone indefinitely.

No, I didn’t get a chance to know you, to buy you a beer, to have a conversation with you, but I wish like hell that I had. Yet, I’m grateful that I came to know you, even if I was late in doing so.

Today as you are surrounding those that you hold dearest, know that when you see them cry, it isn’t because they aren’t celebrating your life, it is because they are so torn, so shattered that you were taken from them, leaving a huge void in their hearts, that nothing, not even time can heal.   Know that it has to be difficult for them to share you with the world, but they do it anyway because they want the world to know just how incredibly amazing you ARE.

I may not have known you Spencer, but I love you.  Thank you, for all that you were, and are. Thank you for being my light, and the light that guides so many others, even if it was never your intention.

Willow

For Spencer’s family and friends:

I know you face today with a heavy heart, and tears of sadness, of bitterness, possibly of anger, and I will NOT tell you that time will ease that pain.

NOTHING will make getting up every morning and facing the day without him any easier. A day can pass, a month, ten years, contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds, and I won’t sit here and pump sunshine, I refuse.   I respect each and every one of you far too much to give you false words of comfort.

I will say that he is only as gone as you allow his soul to be. He may not be next to you physically, but every time you think “Spencer would have liked that.”, “Spencer would have said this.”, “Spencer would have been a pain in the ass about that.” he is right there with you, looking over your shoulder and laughing, because he knows you love him, and that he will never be forgotten.

Spencer was extraordinary.  Spencer was talented. Spencer was facetious, and from what I hear, the occasional pain in the ass.

Spencer was Spencer, and he always will be.

Today, you mourn the loss of him, and you grieve. You cry, you ache, you scream at the sky, you cling to one another, and please know, if you need an extra shoulder, I have two.

Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the day that Brady Bell, Spencer’s younger brother, took him to the Emergency Room for stomach pains.

Never would they have guessed that he would be diagnosed with Adrenal cancer, that his young life would be cut extremely short.

I speak of Spencer’s courage quite often, but I rarely touch on the courage of Brady, of their parents, of Spencer’s family and friends.
Please understand, it isn’t because I downplay their relationship to him, but it is because I don’t have the words to bring them comfort, I don’t have the words to do them justice.

Having lost people very near, and dear to my heart, to cancer, I can tell you, there aren’t any words that anyone can say, to ease any bit of grief that you house in your soul.

So, I want them to know, in my unspoken words, there is respect, reverence, there is love, support, care, there is someone who knows that nothing can bring Spencer back, that nothing can lesson a fraction of that grief, and more than anything, there is a deep appreciation, and gratitude, for sharing Spencer with the rest of us, that would not have been blessed to know him otherwise.

Today, and every day we should always remember to say I love you to the ones we love, to embrace this thing we call life, because it’s taken away much too soon. Today, and every day after, we should eat dessert first, we should fall in love.
Today, we should dance like nobody is watching to the song of our hearts, and form the eternal knowledge that even after any of us are gone, the music lives on.

A poem that made me think of Spencer, and smile:

Do not weep for me for I have not gone.
I am the wind that shakes the mighty Oak.
I am the gentle rain that falls upon your face.
I am the spring flower that pushes through the dark earth.
I am the chuckling laughter of the mountain stream.
Do not weep for me for I have not gone.

I am the memory that dwells in the heart of those that knew me.
I am the shadow that dances on the edge of your vision.
I am the wild goose that flies south at Autumns call and I shall return at Summer rising.
I am the stag on the wild hills way.
I am just around the corner.

Therefore, the wise weep not.
But rejoice at the transformation of my Being.

It’s been a while, since I’ve spoken of Spencer Bell here, and perhaps you’re wondering why, since I did, in all honestly promise a post a day for Spencer.

It hasn’t been that I’m being a slacker, it hasn’t been that I’ve lost the passion to show his legacy to the world, it’s that he deserves so much more than a lukewarm, mediocre post daily.

Quality over quantity if you will.

So why now,right? Why today?

Because after finding out that my grandmother is dying of cancer, reading Richard Bach, reflecting on so many things in this life…
I have been hit with something very bittersweet.

Bach believes, as I always have, that once your purpose on this planet is finished, that you leave this world.
Maybe to begin again elsewhere, maybe to look over the ones you love, all of that is left up to your belief system.

My point? If you’re still here, your purpose is unfulfilled.

Spencer not being with us, hurts so many,(His family, and friends that I cannot thank enough for sharing him with the world) and even though I have a harder time grasping someone being taken from this world so young, maybe he had fulfilled his destiny, his purpose.

Maybe it was to enlighten many about art, and how it should be.
Even though he was extremely talented, he was a firm believer, that music, and any art really, comes from the heart, the soul, it doesn’t matter if the rest of the world thinks you’re good at it, so long as you love it, and are impassioned by it.

That alone is inspirational.

His wit, his bravery, his unwavering sense of self that is very clear in his legacy, it is awe inspiring.

I know that nothing can bring those that were close to him comfort, that they miss him EVERY SINGLE DAY, every minute of every day, and that no reasoning in this world is good enough that he isn’t here.
That nothing eases the pain, the void that is abundantly clear every time something happens that makes them think of Spencer.

I also know that my mere words falter, so often, that if people could read solely what is written upon my heart, and embedded in my soul, that this message would come out more eloquently….

Since finding his Legacy, Spencer Bell has touched my life in ways that are hard for me to explain. He picked me up when I didn’t think I could stand, and forced me to persevere when I wanted to quit.
His legacy has introduced me to friends that I know will last a lifetime, his words, his art, his music resonate more loudly, more beautifully than the most professionally composed symphony.

Once again, Jackson Rathbone (FRIEND of Spencer Bell, human being), said it better than I could ever put it: ” my hero was much younger than I when my hero was immortalized… ” and then “…there’s no grave for the soul no vinyl coffin made of gold”

Every Friday, we have deemed “Spencer Bell Day” on Twitter.. but quite honestly, we should celebrate the life that this young man had, every day. When I started using the hashtag #spencerbellislegendary I meant it very literally.

Nothing, not even death, can hold him back from expressing the depth, the intensity, the erring human soul, that was and IS forevermore Spencer Bell.

[[image courtesy of spencerbellmemorial.ning.com]]

Alright, where are my fellow “tweeters” at?
That either sounds dirty, or like we’re druggies. Either way lol
Come join me on Twitter today, as I have declared it Spencer Bell Day!
We are going to get the trending topic to be #spencerbellislegendary, and tweet about how incredible his legacy is, all day.
With bouts of humor, probably dreadful jokes mixed in, and lots of heart felt emotion.
My Spencerian Army thus far?
Add us all.

@SpencerBell

@Willow_Raine

@taylor_blue

@hello_jodie

@Damij

@pconway6

We’d appreciate the help, love,and support for Spencer, and Adrenal Cancer Awareness.

I’ve made a pledge. A Pledge to get people to care. I intend on keeping my word, and yet I know it won’t be easy.
I’ve been writing on another site about Spencer Bell, and when I got this site up and running, I knew he had to be my first actual post. He is a young man that was taken well before his time due to Adrenal Cancer. Talented, an artisan, a beautiful soul. He deserves to have his legacy live on.
Before his passing in December of 2006, he made arrangements with his mother to have his works, his art, displayed to the world.
They are all very moving, and were, for me, life altering.
You can learn more about him HERE.
If you’ll notice the picture at the top of the page, that is my wrist, and on it, is a bracelet that says ‘The Music Lives On’ on one side, and on the other, is Spencer’s Memorial Site address.
If you haven’t heard of Spencer, you truly are missing out on beautiful masterpieces, touching stories, some that will make you laugh, others that will touch your heart and make you cry.
He may not be with us in his physical body, but he lives on, through his family, his friends, his fans, and last but certainly not least, his art.
So, I thought, “Hey! I have a great idea!” And thus, my outreach was born.
I have forty bracelets, just like the one that I have on my wrist, to pass out, to the first forty people who go to Spencer’s site, and fill out a profile, listen to his music, read his lyrics,journal entries, and look at his art. Get to know him. Report back to me with your link, your favorite piece, or story that you read about him,and I’ll send you a bracelet. (Not to mention that your soul was fed as well. It’s a win/win).
Then I’m going to forward each of your heart felt messages on, to his family. I know that your words, your feelings, and thoughts would touch them, help them to know that Spencer’s story is being shared around the world. That through him, through them, people will learn about Adrenal Cancer, and we WILL make a difference.

Update: Yes you have seen this post before, but it bears repeating since some people won’t scroll back through all of the awesome articles. Go, get to know Spencer and then report back to me on what you love, like, are impassioned by in his works. Go ahead, I’ll wait

If only dancing around your living room and singing loudly into a broom handle could be a competitive sport, I’d be in the Olympics!
Earlier today, I was cleaning house, I popped in my, Spencer Bell Live & Wasted Album, and I sang and danced my heart out.
No kidding. I know all the words, and I may not sing them on key, I may even change a word or two on occasion but I don’t think Spencer minds, because I enjoy myself.
I enjoy his music.
I celebrate his life every single day,and listening to his music just brings a smile to my face.
Since I’ve “met” him, my life has started changing so much, in so many ways, and I keep saying it, but one day, Spencer, you’re stuck drinking with me, so prepare yourself!
There is a lot of new stuff happening on the Legacy site, you should go check it out, they’ve even added new works of Spencer’s.
Hurry and go now, LEGACY SITE or you’ll be sorry that you didn’t! If you haven’t been before,consider this, he has me bopping around the house singing his music, imagine what he could do for you!
He’s better than Tony Robbins ever had time to be, and he tells it real, like it is, no sugar coating! If you want to donate for research to help find a cure for the POS cancer that yanked this beautiful young man away from this world far too damn soon, go here –>CANCER BLOWS.
Every bit makes a difference!

[[Image courtesy of google images]]